936 weeks

I read today that this is the number of weeks between a child's birth and their graduation.  936. 936.  Let that sink into me.  It's worth repeating to myself until I grasp it's smallness.
With Holton already having passed this milestone a few years ago,  I can say that it seems like even that number doesn't sound accurate.  It seems as if it is only a blink.  With Haigan approaching this age, it is worth acknowledging that I still have a few of those weeks left.
 How is it that we can put most things on hold?  We can hit snooze to get a few more minutes of sleep.  We can pause and replay to get another chance, another glimpse, another second.  We can dvr to watch something later.  But we can't slow down time for anyone....not even for our children.  Or, as I believe, mostly for us as parents.  Children are always ready for the next thing.  When they crawl, they want to walk.  When they walk, they long to run.  When they are in middle school, high school is the goal.  High school isn't over before they are preparing for college.  Oh, if they only knew.

Parenting and thinking of my children stirs my deepest emotions.  I miss them when I'm not with them. I pray over them.  I seriously have a hard time grasping God's love for us because I trust that it is more than I can love my children.  How can that be?  There is a moma heart so full of love for each of them.

Time does go so quickly.  When Holton was young, he slept in a toddler bed beside me.  He liked for me to hold his hand while he fell asleep.  Where did the time go?  It's hard to get those fingers to type an answer to a text in today's phase.  That little boy is all grown up but he will always be my baby.  Where do the years go? With Haigan, I can remember reaching back for a little hand as I crossed the parking lot only to find empty space and a young man walking along beside me where a little boy had just been.  A little boy who would not let me sing "Twinkle, twinkle little star" out loud because it would make him miss me too much now leads worship.  I can remember when dinosaurs and boats got put away under the sink in totes and bubble baths turned into midnight showers.  I wish I had paid more attention to when it was exactly that I stopped finding velcro nerf bullets in my sweaters.  When was it exactly that the last army man parachuted from the second floor?  Exactly when was it that I stepped on matchbox cars at 1 am?  When was it that the Tonka truck rusted outside?  I will not know.

What I do know is that each phase, each season, has wonderful things to offer. I won't lie and say that I don't miss the closeness that I had with the boys.  I do.  I'm so proud.  I suppose that the evidence of a job done well is that your children learn to do for themselves.  Sigh.  Time......you're moving on.

Help me learn to slow down and enjoy this vapor.

~Moma

When life gives you anxiety...

So, I was going with the "when life gives you lemons" idea here.....but it certainly doesn't sound as exciting or optimistic.  So how do I end that phrase?  It doesn't end with a cool, refreshing glass of lemonade to be exact.
You see.....I do struggle with anxiety.  I can usually pull it all together after a micro-meltdown but I have to keep it in check.
This past Sunday, I had a panic attack on the way to church.  My house was not straightened and truly, that is the number one trigger of my anxiety.  At least, it begins that way.  The girls and I had been home for two weeks so we had not had to rush to go anywhere.  Somehow the hectic pace of getting everyone ready and out the door, coupled with a messy house, set me into a panic.
By the time we were in the van, I was wiping tears.  By the time we reached the parking lot of the church, I was trying to remember to take deep breaths.  The girls never know when I get upset but I'm sure they think I have asthma! :)
So, back to my title.  When life gives you anxiety, what should you do?  Well, I just decided to stay in the van for a few minutes by myself.  And I googled "prayer over anxiety."  I sat and read this scripture until I was calmer.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” Philippians 4:6, 7
I wish it wasn't so. I wish I was calm and collected in the middle of chaos.  But it is so, and I'm not.  So I will keep trusting, praying, and breathing. :)

2 Things I'm loving this week

As part of my effort to be more positive this year, I've decided to post a few things that I'm currently loving.  I'm going to post on Monday, as it is my least favorite day of the week.  I'll use a little reverse psychology here!  I went back to work today after two weeks off.
So, here it goes!
Two things that I'm liking this week:

1)  This new brush  is amazing!  Amelia really struggles with sensitivity issues.  It is a little like torture  takes a lot of patience to get her hair brushed in the morning.  She has "adult hair" and it is coarse and wavy like mine.   Poor thing....it really is rough.  However, during her visit to get it cut to shoulder length (at her request) we were introduced to this wet brush.  It is PAIN FREE!  It will revolutionize our mornings (TBA as she doesn't go back to school until tomorrow!)   I paid $13 at the salon.  Of course, it's less than $10 on Amazon.


2)  As part of our budget, we cut off cable a couple of years ago.  I usually couldn't care less.  Henry, nor I, really watch much tv.  We have found that if we want to watch something, we can usually catch it on netflix or amazon prime for much less.  However, DOWNTON ABBEY is my show!  I really couldn't converse with any friends at school today because I was the only one who did not know what happened in last night's episode.  So.......I did a little blog stalking and found that a site http://www.simplyjune.org/  has them all for FREE! I could have been watching months ago!   I'm pretty sure that season four of Call the Midwife is also there!  YIPPPPEEEE!

So, my Monday is almost done!  I survived and even found some positives to note!



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It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

I LOVE the beginning of a new year! Henry and I chose January 1 as our wedding date because of my ridiculous obsession with it. I have this thing for new beginnings, when I feel that all things are new.

I don't think it is isolated to the start of a new year. I love the start of school. I can remember even as a little girl the excitement of a new school year.....the new bottle of glue, the fresh notebook paper, the nice sharp pencils. Ha! That sounds crazy but I love everything about new things.

It is also this thought that refreshes me when I think of the blessings of the Lord. How I always need a new morning, another helping of mercy, a "do-over." A verse that sticks with me is Lamentations 3:22-23The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;his mercies never come to an end;they are new every morning;great is your faithfulness.

Big praise there!! Thank you Lord for new beginnings and then more new beginnings when I've messed those up too.

I am a list maker and a goal setter. I'm the person who reads blogs and ebooks about goal setting every year. I ponder on goals. I scribble goals. I finally come around to what I think I'd like to work on. According to many people who know far more than I do, Crystal at Money saving mom (who I think is my personal friend) and Zig Ziglar (Henry's friend), the benefits of setting goals are astounding.

I had a little trouble going between goals and dreams as I whittled the pool and the RV off of my list. (Boo!) But this is what I came up with for 2016:

Goal #1 Spiritual Goal: To live as if living for the Lord

My plan includes: Faithfully doing a daily Bible study, Joining a midweek Thrive class at my church and taking the kids to Kidzpointe, Hosting a once a month friend group to grow Christian friendships, making Sunday a day of rest

Goal #2 Family Goal: To grow closer

My plan includes: Making sure we eat at least three meals each week SITTING DOWN together, Having a date night with Henry at least once a month, either Henry or I having at least an hour of one on one time with each child each week

Goal #3 Health Goal: To feel and act with more energy

My plan includes: Read books that inspire me, Focus on a positive attitude, Walk at least a mile each day, implement healthier eating habits

Goal #4 Financial Goals

Our plan includes (this is a team effort): using cash for most purchases during the month, saving at least 3 months expenses, replacing Henry's vehicle, and continuing to fund at least one vacation this year

Even cash envelopes look more appealing with pretty titles!

Whew!! So....I have a lot of work to do. What's that they say? A goal that is not written down is just a dream! I HAVE GOALS!

Happy New Year!!!

Winning Christmas Presents

I probably do not want to know how much money I have spent on presents that were tossed to the side and never looked at again.  They usually can be found later in a pile with parts of tape and wrapping paper still hanging on!

This year, I felt like I knew the girls a little better and they have more definite likes and interests.  Compared to years past, I didn't spend as much money on Christmas gifts.  However, we got several things that seem to be a big hit with the girls!

Most of my purchases were made on amazon.  I LOVE me some Amazon Prime!  One of our favorite gifts that the whole family is enjoying is the tile lock scrabble game that we got.  We have played it multiple times a day.  The twins can't spell well yet so playing with them might make you want to throw it through the front window   requires a little patience. :)  It is especially fun for LG.  Henry and I may or may not have played a game alone after the kids were in bed last night.  I told him that we were going to make awesome old people!

Hands down, the most favored gift of all the girls is a cardboard box!  Shocker!  This one actually comes in the form of a playhouse and it has been a HUGE hit!  The girls love them.  I ordered them back in the summer when they were on Kidswoot.com for $19.99 but I would probably pay amazon's price now that I know how much they love them.   They have decorated them and love to hang out in them with their toys and play.  

Of course, we had to throw in some babysitters  electronic devices.  But once again, amazon came through with $35 kindles.  Henry downloaded a program called freetime which allows him to set a time limit, as well as an on and off time.  This has really taken care of the five more minutes that some kids (not mine, of course) might argue about.

So, it's time to begin my Christmas shopping for next year!

HO, $ HO, $, HO $ 

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Tidying Up!

I'm currently going through the KonMari Method for simplifying, organizing, and storing.  I'm listening to the book on audible.  I've actually re-listened to a few chapters to make sure that I am soaking in the information.  I'm really encouraged and optimistic.
Before beginning, you have to imagine what you want your life to be like once your home is tidy. This is your vision and the "why" for going through the process.  I have written my list and it sounds heavenly.  I will drive into a carport that is free of any extras...no tools, no junk, no I'll put this away later anythings.  My entry way will be uncluttered and my house will smell clean and fresh when I enter.  My flat spaces that now seem to be a catch-all will be free from anything that catches my eye.    This is KEY for me and I know it.  If there are things in piles I cannot relax.  It always makes me feel as though there is more to do and I won't be able to get to it.

Progress has been made.  I've been using her principles to adjust my way of thinking.  I don't look for what I will throw away so much anymore but I group everything and look for what I will keep.  I will keep those things that bring me joy!  JOY!  So far, I have (with Henry's help) emptied the linen closet and cleared out anything that is not purposeful.  It feels great to open that door and peek in.  I have also purged tons and books and craft supplies.  The method states that you should do one category at a time and that totally makes sense.  Otherwise, you will always feel like "I just did this!"  So far, I have done the categories of clothing, books, and linens.

I'm blogging here so that I can look back and see all of the progress that I've made!

Happy decluttering!

The craft closet - it's not perfect but it has come a LONG way!  

It's Worth It

It feels as though all of my posts lately (all two of them) have had a common theme.  The theme being that life rushes past quickly and I'm trying to savor it.  I'm trying somewhere between the loads of laundry and load of homework to nurture these children that I've been given.
I was texting (because I can do that and supervise homework and cook chili) with a friend a few minutes ago.  She has three children under the age of five, including a two month old.  She's tired and she's often overwhelmed.  Because, well, because she is a mom.  I was telling her that I totally get it.  This parenting thing is hard.  I added that it is hard. And wonderful. And tiring. And beautiful. And worth it most of the time.....except when it doesn't feel like it is.
Then they grow up and they don't call or text as much as you'd like.  You don't lay your eyes on them as much as you'd like.  You think back to how much you did when you were busy and how you kept going when you were tired.  You realize that you'd do it all again even if you knew that they might not remember all of the details.
Hopefully they have an understanding that your life became so much about them the moment you knew about them.
I often describe parenting as a "hard gig."  But I know of nothing else that could be done from pure love when all other resources fail.