Monday, October 8, 2012

Grace for Me

I am writing today's post for me.  If it fits with any of you other mamas out there, then welcome.  I read back through my blog posts the other day.  I read a post that I didn't publish from over a year ago.  It sounded much the same as any day actually.  The house needed to be picked up.  The children needed different things.  The work just seems to be endless.  It was disheartening for me.
Henry and I were looking at pictures from the past several years.  They were the most adorable pictures of the kids.  The girls were giving sweet smiles, coloring pictures, crawling around.  Guess what I saw?  I looked right past those amazing beautiful blessings and could only notice the mess (or lack of a mess) in the background! What a sad realization for me.
I feel that I forget to enjoy each day.  I am always (or at least I feel that I am) a one step behind, five minutes left, one more thing left on the list kind of mama.  I actually took a day off of work Friday to get "caught up" around the house.  I worked like a crazy person for about 5 hours.  I didn't finish my list (that one in my head that includes everything being spotless and ending with browsing the latest copy of Southern Living leisurely on the back porch).  I turned the tv in the kitchen on so that I could have some noise.  I don't know that I will ever get used to a quiet house again.  In my heart, I hope that I don't.  Anyway, I watched Paula Dean and just ended up hungry.  So I switched on Joyce Meyer.  The subject of her show was forgiveness.  I had heard her quote before about forgiveness being a gift that you give yourself.  I have used it multiple times to remind myself that it does more harm to you than the other person for you to hold on to bitterness.  I can sincerely say that I don't have a problem with that.  I considered choosing another show in the series to this one just didn't apply to me. :)  About that time, her daughter was interviewed.  She said "I really don't have anyone in my life that I need to forgive.  I thought this didn't apply to me."  She got my attention.  She went on to say that the one person that she couldn't seem to give forgiveness to was herself.  She just couldn't give herself a break.  Why is it that we as women put such an impossible standard before us that we set ourselves up for failure.  There is no possible way that I can do all of the things that I need to do each day.  My perspective on this is my problem.  When I visit the homes of other working moms, I give them grace.  I think "Oh, they are busy."  I cannot seem to extend that same grace to myself.  I get worked into a panic over the thought of all that I have "to do."  I am ashamed to say that my mood can quickly turn from pleasant to horrible with just a look around at any mess.
If you read this and you have advice on how to reset my button in my brain to a default that will allow me to relax in the midst of chaos...please chime in.
I am blessed beyond what I deserve.  I am working to learn to enjoy the moments.

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